What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming an Au Pair in France

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Moving abroad sounded exciting, new, and a little terrifying — and honestly, it has been all of those things. I came in with almost no expectations, just an open mind and two suitcases. But after living in France for a little bit now, there are definitely a few things I wish I had known beforehand.

1. The Language Barrier Hits Immediately

I knew I didn’t really know any French, but I underestimated how much daily life depends on small interactions. The minute I got off the plane, people were talking to me in French, and I had no idea how to respond.

I wish I had learned even a handful of basic French phrases before arriving — not to be fluent, but just to navigate simple conversations, ask for help, or let people know I only speak English. (Link: Something like this one would’ve been helpful!)

I also didn’t expect how awkward those first interactions would feel. You don’t know who speaks English, you don’t know if your French makes sense, and sometimes people switch to English instantly because they can tell you’re not French. It’s a weird dance.

But here’s what I've learned:
Confidence matters more than perfect grammar.
Sometimes you just have to try, and if it doesn’t work, Google Translate is right there.

2. The Mental Load of Living in Someone Else’s Home

This is something no one really talks about.

When you live in a host family’s home, there’s an invisible pressure to always be respectful, helpful, aware… even when you’re technically “off the clock.” It’s not that being respectful is hard — it’s that sometimes it’s hard to ever feel fully relaxed.

The thing that has helped me most is making my room truly my space. Setting it up the way I wanted, adding little comforts, creating a spot where I could unwind, and keeping a journal on my desk so I have a place to process everything. All of this has made a huge difference. (Link: This is the kind of journal I love — simple, cute, and perfect for daily reflections.)

And yes, there are moments of loneliness — even when you’re sitting at a family dinner. The conversations aren’t the same as they are back home, and sometimes they’re not in English at all. But shifting your perspective helps.

How lucky am I to experience a completely different culture around a dinner table?
Sometimes that reminder is enough to ground you.

3. Small Routines Matter More Than You Think

One of the biggest surprises is how grounding small routines have become. While I have au pair responsibilities throughout the week, the time in between can feel wide open — and structure makes that feel less overwhelming.

For example, joining a gym and going to workout classes twice a week instantly made me feel more like a resident and less like a long-term visitor. Even something as simple as making my morning coffee the same way every day or reading on my Kindle before bed helps my life here feel more familiar.
(Link: A Kindle is truly a travel non-negotiable.)

And routines don’t erase the excitement of being abroad — they make the experience feel more livable.

4. The Reality of Making Friends Abroad

Making friends in a new place is already hard. Add a language barrier, and it becomes a whole new challenge.

Where you live makes a huge difference. In more international cities, you’ll naturally find more English speakers. In smaller towns — like the one I’m in — it can feel a little deflating at first.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

You meet people when you put yourself in situations to meet people.
It takes effort and patience.

Join local classes, go to events, and post in expat Facebook groups even if you feel awkward doing it. You never know which random outing will lead to a connection.

It’s not instant, and that’s okay. The friendships you build abroad take time, and little efforts can make a big difference.

Final Thoughts

Being an au pair abroad will change you (and I don't even know the half of it yet) — in the best ways and the hardest ways. I didn’t know what to expect before moving here, but now I know that the challenges, the awkward moments, and the quiet growth are all part of the experience.

And honestly? I wouldn’t trade it.